Communication is key to a great relationship, and it’s also what happens between the sheets. Telling your partner about your sexual desires may feel a little strange, especially if the relationship is still short. But it’s something that needs to be done, unless of course, if you’re okay with an unsatisfying, boring, and lackluster physical relationship.
So how do you actually do this? How do you tell your partner what you want in bed, communicate your deepest desires, maybe tell them what you don’t like? Well, for starters, you’ve come to the right place. Here’s a list of actionable tips curated by our experts to help you ask for what you want in bed; and get it.
1. Don’t Be Discouraged By Restlessness & Awkwardness
You would be surprised to know how many people have had unsatisfactory sex over the years, simply because they were unwilling to discuss the subject with their partner because of ‘discomfort’. So first things first, you need to get a little comfortable with being a little uncomfortable. Remember that a few moments of awkwardness can lead to a lifetime of heightened sexual pleasure.
Plus, if your partner told you there were things you could do that would totally blow their mind, wouldn’t you want to do that? Wouldn’t you like to try a sex vibrator or the latest Adult Sex Toys In India if your partner told you they would love it? You would, wouldn’t you? Most likely, your partner feels exactly the same way. So hesitation isn’t doing either of you any good.
2. Don’t Make It Look Like Criticism
Sometimes, when we’re trying to convey what we want, we often mix it up with something we don’t want and focus on that. You can very easily say, “You’re not doing it right!”, “You always do this,” “You never do this.” e.t.c.
Avoid such phrases at all costs. A playful suggestion is hot; Not a harsh criticism.
Start from a place of praise. Try something like – ‘I love when you do this, this and this. But you know what else I want?’
Try a Complement Sandwich. Talk about a great job they’ve done, make a suggestion, talk about something else that you enjoy. The ultimate goal is to have an honest and open dialogue about your sex life, not a performance appraisal.
3. Choose Tone and Timing Wisely
How your partner reacts to you largely depends on when and how you talk to them about it.
You may want to avoid talking right after sex, as your partner may feel a little insecure at the time and take it as criticism. Try to bring it up systematically, not as a big announcement that can make them feel like they’re under attack. Be kind, but be firm.
If you want to suggest a change of pace or a new position, it’s perfectly fine to ask during the act. However, if you’re going to try something new on your partner, like trying out a panty vibrator, mid-deed may not be the best time to do so. You’d better talk about it when you’re both dressed. You can approach the topic over dinner, on a date, or perhaps while you’re out on a walk. Just make sure that you give your partner the space and environment they will need to understand and respond to your request without feeling pressured.
4. Try Sexting
Starting a conversation about sex can be a bit awkward for some people. But once you get used to it, it becomes much easier and all conversations about sex become more satisfying and useful.
In the meantime, if you’re still in doubt, you can experiment with sexting. You can subtly weave in some of the things you want to try and say how you like to be touched in conversation. This will help you get your point across and will also help your partner in the process. If sexting isn’t your cup of tea, try incorporating sex talk into your pre-sex build up.
5. It Doesn’t Have To Come Out Perfect
So now you have some easy tips to talk about with your partner. And the whole conversation is planned in your mind. All sorted, right? Well, chances are it won’t be as you imagined it to be. But guess what, it’s okay!
Sex is never the most straightforward thing to discuss, regardless of whether it’s with somebody you trust and are alright with. When you discuss your needs with your partner, it’s all too easy to panic, be shy, and feel embarrassed, despite all the planning.
But these feelings are completely normal. So if you are nervous just say this. It’s okay if it doesn’t come out completely or looks silly. Indeed, imperfection is often lovely. And if that sounds a little silly, so be it! Bringing some humor to sex only makes it more fun.
Your happiness is 100% your responsibility, so you have to be proactive about it. Your partner is not a mind reader. So if you want them to move faster or slower, try new situations, use a sex toy or anything else, you have to speak up and let them know.
Remember, if you want to change something, you have to ask first. We hope that the tips in this article will help you do it successfully.